the job interview was fine.
met Qayyum at tiong bahru,,
then went to the LJS there.
the manager was friendly. thank God.
but then,, I have to work for at least 4 days a week
for beginners.
well,, that's actually very fine to me,,
but I don't think Mama will agree.
I told her it's 3 days only.
then I'll act as if the extra 1 day is just
a last-minute one.
ohh God.
ok lahh. I can work okay.
I can. I can.
:D
I can't tell Abang where I'm working,,
cos I'm afraid he would tell that jerk.
oh yes.
I cried while doing the families and friends album project thingy.
I don't know why.
Mama was like heckcare-la-sey.
she said just put anything.
so yes,, I thought of all those old old names.
like kassim. or selamat. saloma. zaiton.
hahahahahahahahahahahah.
I don't even know what that jerk is working as.
or his birthday.
or his age.
I really don't know.
and I wrote that compo
a hari raya pic.
an old one.
like a happy family portrait.
but the compo made it look like
all those faces in that pic
are all fake ones
they seem happy.
but they aren't.
gawwwd.
then when I read out the names I wrote to Mama,,
she burst out laughing.
she definitely didn't know I cried.
dear ________.
I don't know what you think of this.
I'm gonna work.
I'm serious about this.
I bet you wouldn't let me do it
if you're here.
but you're not here with me.
going through every single day with me.
after you left,,
everything goes wrong.
Mama doesn't really like me working.
but she knows I'm trying to help her.
so don't put the blame on her.
I know,, if you're alive,,
I wouldn't have to go to work at this age.
I know,, if you're alive,,
Mama wouldn't have to take 3 jobs.
I know,, if you're alive,,
my life would be happy forever.
I know,, if you're alive,,
I would be the luckiest daughter on Earth.
that jerk ruined my life,,
I thought you would save me from him.
but you had to go.
I'm missing you so much.
black&white ; Sunday, January 13, 2008
HELLO HELLO TODAY I'M YELLOW.:D
well,, malay dance was somehow boring.
not like last year's audition.
kan kan kan. last year we had games.
but this year no games lehh.
went home late by 5-10mins,,
got scolded. darn you bloody woman. -.-
took sneaky pics of Nad and Fil.
yaaay.
oh Fil so cute.
hahah.
then today,, so tiring.
like fucking tiring.
Amyraa lahhh ni !!!
shopping with her is damn damn damn damn damn damn
tiring.
her shopping is darn surrrrrrlowwwwww.
seriously larrrh.
Amyraa must be thankful to me mann.
I accompanied her,, walk walk walk until got backache you know !
oh ya. I must improve on my sneaky photo-taking skills.
yess.
&& otw to bugis,, met qayyum la sey.
she was otw to work.
and I was like oh,,
God answered my prayers.
I was desperate for a job,, remember ?
so I was yaaay-ing.
but still,, I was still thinking if Mama should know bout this.
Amyraa tk encourage.
Seha pon tk. what say you ?
oh Qayyum is so cool la sey,,
she so supportive.
:DD
and today,, patched up with my ex-bestie.
hahahah. tu larrrh. lain kali jgn sembarang ckp okay.
betol2 break baru tau.
oh gawwd,, it sounds soo wrong.
hahah.
and today I wore the necklace bestie gave,,
so she was happy. right ??
went searching for Fil's bdae present actually.
hahah. I planned what to get early2 olradi.
Seha's bdae present,, gth.
next week arrrrh.
heh,, dream on Seha.
ohh people,, please,,
trust me. I can.
I believe I can.
I will learn how to live.
how to be independent.
I have to do this.
I've been waiting for this opportunity for so long.
I wanna work.
have faith in me.
I will maintain my studies and cca and stuff.
I will okay.
I promise.
bestie,, don't worry kaes. :DD
it's okay.
I'll be fine.
the drink sour eh fil? hahah,, cute lah tuu.
amyraa && emily.
ahh blurr.
roti prata telor instant. :DD
me && bestie dah patched up !
finally ?
we were searching for them,, and there they were,, camwhore-ing.
the besties.
sneaky.
take 1.
take 2.
take 3.
take 4.
take 5. =DD
yaaay.
amirah kecik sangat maybe.
I'm so yellow.
qayyum !
sorry ! tangan aku pendek!
oh,, bongok that's you. smile !
yess,, yellow me.
oh-so-yellow.
alone ?
reflection of me. amirah pon aderr.
black&white ; Saturday, January 12, 2008
hola.
well,, I'm somehow
starting to love Math !
although it's sometimes confusing,,
once you got the formula
everything's gonna be alright kan.
after school went searching all over the place for this
idiot called Nadiah Imran.
one moment she was there,,
the next she wasn't.
so walked out of school and met him again.
ahh,, tk manis ahh bebual psl die kan.
yayyy. tmrw got MD.
yay yay.
bongok nak kenal2 ngan budak2 sec 1.
yayy.
join MD la seyy.
oh darn
I realised my bag is troublesome.
just now it rained right
so my bag was wet
everything was wet.
then suddenly my uniform
got blue black stains.
my bag colour menurun !
fuck. bongok malas nk cuci baju tau.
bongok benci.
oh. Malay lessons
have been such a bore nowadays.
right ?
I prefer Math & English.
or Science
or,, oh yes. DRAMA !
then during Malay lesson
cekgu taught us 2 new words.
one is
konvoi [[ convoy ]]
and and
carpool [[ ... ]]
I thought it's,, kolam kerete.
and I'm oh-so-lame.
so carpool is k... kerete.
I forgot.
STM lah beb.
Amyraa have been quite popular
in class nowadays.
every time Math lesson uh,,
she v v outgoing one.
thanks babe.
cos sometimes we both don't understand
but she was the one who raised her hand.
I never did. =DD.
then sms-ed Fil about them,,
I was just so curious.
don't know lah kan.
everything's settled now.
just see,, tmrw,, will I talk to her ?
hah,, idk.
THE END.
black&white ; Thursday, January 10, 2008
today was fuuunnnnnnnn !
in school bestie & I became
MINAHREPs tak menjadi.
she's addicted to saying 'siol'
and I'm addicted to saying 'siakk'.
heehee.
after school went to west mall
eat KFC siakk.
then went to meet lollipop at west coast siakk.
oh gosh,, I'm really falling for him siakk.
&& I can't believe this siakk.
but tsk,, he puffs lah siakk.
then he actually wanted to send me home siakk.
then I don't want siakk.
so at the bus stop it was fucking crowded siakk.
the first time I turned back,,
he was there siakk.
then the second time I did it,,
he was gone siakk.
SO FUCKING SADD SIAKK.
I was searching for him like mad siakk.
then I sms-ed him siakk.
I forgot,, his pp8 was flat siakk.
so that was the end of the meeting siakk.
LIKE SO SADD CAN,, SIAKK.
yeah,, overall,, we talked alot.
alot lahh siakk.
THE END SIAKK.
black&white ; Wednesday, January 09, 2008
long hair ? hahahah. like real kannnn.
the one on the left is Seha's and the one on the right is mine.mine's nicer right,, :DD.
black&white ; Tuesday, January 08, 2008
ok. hello.
how's you ?
I'm fine.
today I was supposed to wake up at 6am.
then I overslept till 6.30am.
then abang woke me up.
and decided to send me to school with his bike.
and I was like,, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY !!!
and it was damn shiok lah can.
this means I should wake up late every day.
he kept making me scared.
then at traffic lights he would say
"takot eh?" / "scared uh?"
then I said "tk lah" / "no lah".
then every time I say "no",, he would speed up.
but hahahah,, I'm not scared !
then my legs shiver cos of the cold wind.
and wahh,, it's damn shiok seyyy.
Amyraa still have the disease.
sing some songs like nursery rhymes one.
tsk tsk tsk. come on ah,,
sec 2 ok not K2.
then MD.
whoooh !
I love this session can.
the dance v v nice lohh.
they should have thought us
a long time ago.
&& didy actually called me out to play the
creative dance thingy,, like game gitu.
then I had to think of 4 movements.
I smacked her ass.
she smacked mine back.
then I picked siti.
then siti picked marsha.
whahahahahahahahah.
forget it.
&& after tht
otw home
Fil tegor-ed me.
wahh,, as if she knew
my lips were sealed.
then she smiled at me
at the bus stop.
ok Nadiah was right.
maybe I really should talk to her.
oh ya ya ya !
today got the elective module thingy.
I want to join journalism !
then Mr Faz
saw me and said
"I want to see you in journalism,"
and I said "OK!".
yay. that means he's in charge lahh.
and somehow,, now I'm
like so friendly with him gitu.
like so suddenly.
and the EMs sound fun !
yay yay !
after MD,,
went to meet Taufiq at
west coast.
then went home.
fuck,, he tried to do the
salam&kiss thingy.
luckily no one was looking.
I AM NO SLUT OK.
ok the end !
black&white ; Tuesday, January 08, 2008
sometimes I just can't stand lame-ness.
should I just laugh like so fake,,
or just shut up ? or maybe I should
say 'sorry,, you're lame,' but that sounds rude.
today's just like every other day.
but amyraa just can't stop singing 'nursery rhymes'
and making stupid poems.
I'm getting over it now.
everything seems fine except for one.
tmrw should have MD.
so then I don't know how will
I ever be able to talk to her like normal again.
as if nothing happened.
ahh,, stupid me.
Nadiah said I should just talk to her.
but ahh,, I seriously don't know how to.
will I ever be able to do overcome this ?
one side of me says:
it's okay,, take your time.
but another says:
what if you make the wrong move again ?
what should I say ?
"hello ! how are you ?"
"hey berok !"
? I would sound stupid.
I'm afraid.
well,, Mama's dinner went fine.
she decided not to wear the wig.
XDD and so when she left the house,,
I put on the wig,, and camwhored.
and in those pics,, the wig looks somehow,,
v v real.
oh yah. I bought a handbag that's
like the same with Seha's.
but mine's always nicer. :DD
anyway,, I've just remembered that
Afiq owes me $4. I want it. I seriously do.
u mf,, I want my money back.
I don't care if it's just so little.
you're rich what.
you pay for it.
still can buy other stuff you know !
my cologne finishing !
over-idiotic moron.
&& Taufiq is in some kinda trouble eh ?
Sha ? korang ni ? ok tk ? jgn cpat mrajok lah asshole.
:D kidding.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I'm missing you very much.
I wonder if you've ever think of me.
what I'm doing.
what problems I face in school.
I miss you.
I truly do.
now,, nobody seems to care
every time I come back home,,
no one asked me
"how's school?"
"is anything wrong?"
"are you tired?"
no one called me when I was
doing my homework to ask
"what are you doing?"
"have you eaten?"
"do you want any help?"
you make me think you're dead.
but I know,, you were good.
the best one I will ever have.
but you changed. changed a lot.
there wasn't anybody who hugged me
when I cried.
and till now,, this song still reminds me of you.
I can still hear you singing this song.
&&,, your voice and his voice really sound the same.
I really really miss you.
Love,,
Adeq.
black&white ; Monday, January 07, 2008
Did you ever realize why there are no stars in the sky?
Because they're on the ground
The air is brown
We're trapped in this town
Let me go - I can't breathe
I drag myself through the debris
I never felt more alone than on this starry road
The air is warm but I feel grey
The chill of dawn on a funeral day
(I lie in unrest) While heavy dirt falls to my chest
(I fade away) And the hollow phantoms stay
Imagination in a chokehold, I've been steamrolled by gold records
Inspectors are watching over me, under lock and key
Chalk my outline; they'd talk of this if I'd died from a broken heart
They've taken art, turned it to something they think (We'll buy)
The air is warm but I feel grey
The chill of dawn on a funeral day
(I lie in unrest) While heavy dirt falls to my chest
(I fade away) And the hollow phantoms stay
My blood is their liquid vitamin
Their madness festers under their skin
The air is warm but I feel grey
The chill of dawn on a funeral day
(I lie in unrest) While heavy dirt falls to my chest
(I fade away) And the hollow phantoms stay
I have never felt so alone in my whole life
black&white ; Sunday, January 06, 2008
I swear to tell the truth,, the only truth and nothing but the truth.
today's a terrible day.
being found out is my worst nightmare.
I planned it to go on for 2 years.
but it only lasted for 4 days.
gawwwd. how pathetic is tht.
all this is bcos of blogging.
this stupid blog.
blogging made me blind.
but how did she know my url ah ?
oh tht doesnt matter now.
fine !
I'm stubborn.
I know.
but I took the risk.
for goodness sake.
I did all I can for us.
I'm stupid.
I'm useless.
I'm hopeless.
I'm idiotic.
I'm stubborn.
I'm selfish.
I'm everything that's bad.
but trust me.
I never did hate you.
I was shopping at bugis when
I received her message.
I thought hard bout what to tell her.
my mood was like shit.
I felt like dying.
I felt like crying.
I even had an argument with
Mama and Seha otw home
bcos of my sudden change of mood
and the expression on my face.
and my rude-ness.
she's unfair.
I know,, Seha is way better than me.
but you shouldnt always defend her
and leave me all alone.
even you yourself said that
she's snobbish.
she cant take care of you
when you're old.
and now you turn everything upside down.
I don't know what's up with us.
or you.
or me.
what's so wrong
to be close to juniors ?
ppl are bad.
those ppl are really bad.
I wonder why they have minds like tht.
yes,, you're too special to me.
I did alot of things about you.
journalling,, poetry.
but I can never be ready to show it to you.
you misunderstood k.
you really did.
I lost my mind at 2.23pm today.
yes I did.
somehow I wish I'm dead.
I felt like dying.
oh please.
or maybe I wish I'm born disabled.
or with mental illness.
I hope I'm at the mental hospital.
at least I don't have to think about
- school
- studies
- friendship/friends
- money
- family
I would just have to wait for my death.
Mama,, don't put on high hopes for me.
I'm hopeless.
I can't study hard.
I simply can't continue.
I can't be like Seha.
yes,, she's better than me.
I can never go acjc.
I cannot get $800 bursary like her.
I can't support you.
I can never lead a better life.
just look at me.
I cannot make you proud.
I won't get a good job when I grow up.
I just pray hard that
I die faster.
sometimes I go to school
go out of this house
hoping someone out there
will be daring enough to murder me
or knock me down.
kill me.
oh I'm so problematic.
it's ok nasyiba.
life sucks afterall.
even if you arent problematic,,
life still sucks ok.
all you have to do is wait.
till the time comes.
and then everything will be over.
just have to deal with ur sins.
and everything else will be fine.
life sucks.
life's pointless.
life's stupid.
life's all about problems.
life's not great.
life fucks.
life's useless.
one moment you feel happy.
but happiness doesn't last forever.
life is about
- hatred
- problems
- revenge
- money
and stuff like tht.
happiness sucks.
it hurts.
why do people yearn for happiness ?
it's nothing.
afterall everyone will die.
what is He trying to show us mannn.
&& till now I'm still searching for it.
I hate life. I swear I do.
and my friend,, just promise me one thing - don't hate me.
black&white ; Saturday, January 05, 2008
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
sorry or what.
I don't know.
I was just mad.
bcos things that I planned out for this year
totally didn't turn out right.
bestie,, forget everything I said.
you knew I'm gonna be sorry.
but on the other hand,,
you knew I was serious about this.
very serious.
and I was sure everything would turn out
the way I want it to be.
very sure.
but then all this shit came up
and everything seems wrong.
yes,, I'm getting good at forgetting her,,
can't you see ?
oh maybe you weren't there to see what
my reaction was when I saw her again.
and then someone forced all this to happen.
I didn't expect her to keep an eye on us.
I never did.
oh then what should I have done ?
when I say "forget everything",,
I mean forget the bad things
and also the good things.
everything.
I hope I never knew you.
forget our first meeting.
forget everything.
everything.
I hope it would come true.
but I know,, it never will.
we still have the past.
and history will last.
I know.
but what can I do to change the future ?
I don't know.
I really don't know.
what do you guys expect from me ?
I don't know.
gawwwd. help me,, I'm freaking out.
black&white ; Friday, January 04, 2008
get this at $119. siao. but cool sey,, =D
cute-ness
emo-ness
hot-ness
yay-ness
fulamak. lawa kan kan kan. abang's motorcycle.have been quite busy lately. school what. go home,, eat and sleep.
then wake up,, eat and check time table.
cool right. then watch tv then sleep.
and whoa,, I can't believe this:
1st day of school,, $$ spent is 50cents.
2nd day of school,, $$ spent is $0.
3rd day of school,, $$ spent is $0.
whoa. whoa. whoa.
today I didn't eat for exactly 13 hours.
whoa again. didn't really starve actually,,
for I have a super stomach. :D
and 2nd day of school,, saw her in school.
and suddenly I feel so very empty.
it's like,, there's nothing to look forward to
every schooling day.
I bet malay dance would be more boring this year.
and the year after. and even year after next year.
why ? since I saw you,, all I could think of is about us.
about you. I even had extra-STM.
I tried to listen to music,, thinking maybe music could calm me down.
but even some songs remind me of you.
if not the song,, then it's the lyrics.
if not the lyrics,, then it's the melody.
or maybe the rhythm.
or the tone.
the type of music.
some songs have got nothing to do with you.
but then I remember singing the songs to you.
and Allah ! she just sms-ed me. right now.
she said Mdm Hanita realised we're not talking and stuff.
k
I don't understand !
what's behind all this,, Allah ???
what are you trying to show me ?
I've just made my decision to forget her.
and now someone is stopping me.
gossssssssssssssh.
I hate this.
I hate this so very much.
why ?
this fate sucks.
I blocked you on msn,,
I didn't want to look at your face any more.
and just pretend I never knew you.
I don't like this.
I wanna carry on with everything I planned.
I hope I never knew you.
urgh. come back to other stuff.
I grew ! 6cm more mannnn.
last year was 148.
this year's 154.
wow.
and I lost 2kg.
maybe bcos of my diet. hahahah.
oh ya. I talked to Hanis olradi !
yay !
I told her "Hanis,, I'm sorry about everything that happened last year. I hope it won't happen again this year. ok ? now you be good to me,, and I'll be good to you,"
wow. I can't believe I said that directly to her. and she just smiled,, and nodded.
oh come back to me and her. sry2.
I told bestie about it.
and what ?! she's like nt supporting me like tht.
oh damn.
this year,, I'm like getting closer to my girlfriend,, Nadiah.
weeee ! cute lah she. hahahah.
THE END. [[ I guess I'll just act the same ]]
black&white ; Friday, January 04, 2008
