Tuesday, December 11, 2007
hah. today I woke up,, and the first thing I did was to cry.
they saw me cry but they pretend they didn't.
NOW PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.
all three of them saw me crying.
but they just left me all alone.
well that's somehow good. but don't they know I needed someone to talk to?
one of them simply winked at me as if nothing happened.
and so I was like wtf,, I'm in no mood to wink back.
another one looked at me straight in the eyes and suddenly look away,, as if I sticked out my tongue or something.
the last one just walked past without looking,, as if I was invisible.
I've got nothing to do. seriously. and now I realise how boring my life is.
and I can do nothing to change it. nothing but just one.
I have to do something. I know.
work. I wanna look for a job. to help them.
but they just don't seem to see it.
and it really hurts to hear them say,,
"ey you're just 13. no one would want to employ you,"
or "it's impossible."
don't you see it as a way to help you?
I want to. and I truly do.
tsk. well,, next year I'll be 14. hahah. as if it's a big number.
Safiah asked me to be a part time model. but sorry,,
THAT IS SO NOT ME. Kasilah,, help me !
well today I didn't go for the china dolls outing.
I knew I would kinda regret it. but what could I do?
I knew there would be a lot of FUN.
but if I were to go there,,
my intention is to enjoy.
ENJOY. when I know I can't.
it's just not the right time.
I could go if I REALLY REALLY wanted to.
but Mama .. tsk. it's not that she disallowed me to go.
hah. only God knows.
and some more Seha said something that made me angry.
like duh,, of course I know that. and don't make Mama think I don't know these stuff.
aku tau lah name kau Nasihah that means penasihat,, but this is just too much.
yesterday night,, me and abang and seha watched the exorcism of Emily Rose.
quite interesting. at first I was like Seha are you sure?
bcos it was past midnight. then she said bukan malam jumaat ape.
then I said ya la but still there are Satans wandering around here,, like you.
okay lame.
then I found those old photo albums of me and my family.
and every time I see my face,, I whisper GOD I AM SO CUTE.
baby photos actually. hahah XD
here I am,, stuck in front of the computer screen.
nothing in this house seems interesting to me.
I've got
- a radio
- a computer
- an organ keyboard
- TV
- a spoilt dvd player
- a vcd player
- a refrigerator that always contain the same food
- a pile of revisions to do.
so imagine. tsk tsk. I am home. HOME SHIT HOME.
and I decided that it's better not to have anyone asking me out any more.
except for sbsbs outing and Rara's one.
cos I almost forgot that it hurts.
ahhh.
oh ya. such a coincidence. Rara and Qiyi and gang are selling cookies at vivo too,, on 14th dec.
and Amyraa's one is on the 13th. I think I'll go to both lah.
and oh yesterday I tried viewing my blog but the posts were gone. at first I thought bcos my blog got alot of vulgarities,, and so those posts couldn't be viewed.
see how stupid I can be.
THE END.
black&white ; Tuesday, December 11, 2007
